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The Weekend

Every week, the weekend comes and it tries to psych me out with its sweet temptations. Long days, late nights, thoughts of how much easier it would be to grab something from the drive through or order a pizza... It all begins to add up, unless you're pushing the thoughts away and focusing on what you can control.

If I want to workout, I need to start my day earlier than most people would like to on Saturday. I have to get up to feed babies who don't understand the concept of the weekend anyway, so I might as well do something to help me toward my goal while I'm at it! If I know that I'm waking up early to get some reading in before church, then I probably should not stay up until 10pm watching movies. It seems it would make more sense to turn off the tv at a reasonable time, get ready for bed and read a little in bed before going to sleep so that I'm refreshed and not groggy Sunday morning. Yes, you know what, it is easier to grab from a drive through or pick up a pizza, but then there will be a bunch of good food gone bad sitting in the refrigerator and I will be out twice the money and completely tear down the budget hubby and I worked on together.

It just makes sense to make better choices and take the time to learn how to manage my time instead of flying through the moments, improvising every move. This weight loss journey is really helping me to pinpoint some self-destructive behaviors I have. I have always had a problem with my body and never really felt comfortable in my own skin, but I have never done anything permanent about it. I never really did a lot temporarily, either, I mostly let stuff happen to me, rather than take control of my own life.

When I did Paleo, it was because I was a live in maid for my roommate, she bought the groceries and I cooked. She bought things for her Paleo journey, so I went along for the ride. When I was in college, we had buffet style meals and I viewed it as a personal challenge to get as many options on 1 tray as possible without looking like I was trying to binge. It also made it easy to drink a lot of my calories, too, since there was always soft drinks, coffee, teas, and juices! In high school, I was in color guard, every weekend was a show and, therefore, we had to eat at the stop the bus took us.

I made myself a victim of every circumstance. This is a big part of my "why," I am taking control of my own decisions and recognizing that judging those decisions based on serving size and sugar content is not the way to empower myself. Deprivation only lasts for so long. This time, it's different. This time, I am going to say, "No," when it's necessary and, "Sure, why not," when I feel it is appropriate. No more, "I shouldn't, but I will anyway!" or, "Don't mind if I do! *begin subtle binge as different people at the party circulate the food table and I never leave.*"

Self-control is taking on a whole new meaning. That is to say that I, not my emotions, not my circumstances and not my surroundings, get to control my actions.

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