So Much to Take On

There is an unspoken pressure in our society to have it all together and know how we want to contribute to the world. Here's a little secret: nobody has it all together and and it's actually quite challenging to know what you want out of life and how that life is going to contribute to the rest of the world.

When did all the things become something more than simple? Two of my favorite books that I plan to go back to this Fall are Grace Not Perfection and The Simplified Life by Emily Ley. She breaks down what it is to truly make room in your life and home for the most important things. The funny part is, those things aren't "things" at all, they are people. People, family, friends, relationships... those are the most important things in life.

So, when my work, my menu, my workout schedule, my chore list all get in the way of my kids, my husband, my family time, my fellowship at church, my friends... That is a problem. 

When I was a kid and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I remember saying I wanted to be a teacher. I thought that was what I wanted because my second grade teacher, Mrs. King, had the greatest impact on my life as a child. I wanted to be like all of those awesome teachers you see in movies who change the course of their students' lives. 

My dad passed away when I was in second grade and that was when I became "the teacher's pet." From that time on, I lived to make all of my teachers, bosses, any authorities in my life, proud. I always sought affirmation that I was doing all the things someone else wanted for me, but I never took the time to consider what I actually wanted. 

Fast forward to my adulthood. 

I'm still looking for outward affirmation. I still am not sure what I would choose as a major and career path if I had the opportunity to do college again. You know what, though, now I get to be a mom. So, even though I chose to change my course and never received a teaching degree, I get to teach every single day of my life. 

I get to teach my 3year old, 2yo and 4 month old how to do life. I get to teach them that the people at parties are so much more important than the food table. I get to teach them that food is a secondary thought to how we enjoy vacations and family time, it is not the central focus of every trip and every outing. I get to teach them how to plan their meals with realistic expectations. I get to teach them that life is never what you expect, but there is always an opportunity to learn along the way. 

I've been struggling lately with finding time to workout and plan meals and prep food. I'm not saying those aren't important, but obsessing over it and sacrificing time with my husband, fussing over a clean kitchen when my kids are all in good moods and wanting me to play with them, and beating myself up for sleeping instead of lifting weights at 5 in the morning is not the way to go. 

I do need to find a routine and rework some of the awesome habits I had built up and nailed down prior to having a third little. However, I need to stop trying to race myself back down to pre-pregnancy weight, it's only leading to binge cycles. I need to stop expecting 100% mental capacity 7 days a week, I have 3 kids! I need to stop expecting that tomorrow I will just be motivated to do all the things, because I can barely get out of bed some mornings. 

Today, I commit to myself that I am going to work on one thing at a time while my body, mind, and strength; family, hubby and girls adjust to being a party of 5. I guess that doesn't happen overnight. 

Routine doesn't happen to you, you build it... 1 habit at a time. 

That was a bit of a ramble, that felt like it had a direction, but just ended up being me processing. Thanks for reading.